Wednesday, September 21, 2011

What your Twitter Feeds say about you

All you micro bloggers who share links, and pain, with the world, find out what your Twitter feeds say about you
Namrata.Bhawani@timsgroup.com

Twitter may have mercifully reduced the bandwidth for sharing information, but even then it isn’t hard to go from trivia to trivial in 140 characters. Social media gave us the platform to express ourselves and that’s when the dam burst. People have used it as a confessional, fed their narcissistic streak or turned into self-styled Deepak Chopras without his ability to spell.

If you’re a tweetaholic, you’re probably following or being stalked by one of these varieties that grows like fungus on the micro-blogging site. Analyse your tweeting pattern to see if you have inadvertently morphed into a reckless Twitter deviant:

THE CUTIE-PIE FROM HELL Babies are cute, but having said that, all babies look like little blobs and yours is no more precious than the thousands of others. Baby talk, a stream of cute compliments, a show of constant appreciation, etc, show a need to be loved. People pleasers are nice, but it takes a toll on them eventually. Show some spunk and watch the change.

VERBAL VOMIT
Just because a thought is dancing around in your head, doesn’t mean it needs to be unleashed on an unsuspect ing public. Silence really is golden, and brevity really is the soul of wit. People with verbal diarrhoea think fast, act faster, but may not consider the consequences of their actions. The need to share constantly indicates lack of a strong support system or childhood trauma.

GYAAN GURU If you’re prone to recycling clich├ęd philosophies about life, imagination is not your strong suit. You’re a softie, but prone to laziness — if you’re substituting soul searching for second hand platitudes, you’re probably not about to go out of your way for people. We bet you our month’s salary that your bookshelf is stocked with Paulo Coehlo, Rhonda Bryne’s The Secret and The Monk who Sold his Ferrari for inspiration.

THE GOOD SAMARITAN
When there are blasts or an earthquake, you feel left out if you can’t add to the buzz. Twitter has created a whole new brand of Causerati. But Good Samaritans tend to be a nuisance. The need to save the world shows that you are a giver, but only give when someone asks, you’re not a walking, talking charitable trust. You’re well-meaning and will probably make for a good friend or partner.

SELF-PROMOTER
The self-promoter values his time. It’s about ambitious goals like networking, promoting your own product, blog or website. So much for building a community. Selling yourself is a finely-tuned art, so subtlety is not a bad quality to acquire. People who succeed in their goal in cyberspace usually have wit and charm for support. 

EMOTIONAL GARBAGE
If you’re feeling depressed, nostalgic or just PMSsing, we don’t want to know. If your doodhwala didn’t come this morning and your fridge broke down, we don’t care. If your boyfriend broke up with you, there is probably a good reason for it. People who have public emotional outbursts tend to be dreamers, emotionally fragile, trusting and romantics at heart. Get a positive outlook on life, find a balance between cynicism and blind trust.

THE WANNABE
Stalking celebrities and hoping that they retweet one of your messages, incessant brand mentions, boasting about your sexual escapades are all hints of being a wannabe. Self-esteem and maturity issues are at work here. A desperate vibe is singularly unattractive, and perhaps you may want to examine the image you want to project on a public platform. 

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